Begin with the sorting. It's hard to fathom, but in 34 years, we have accumulated a few items. A few??? I mean, really, who keeps those Chevy's sombreros? TaDa! ME. Of course, the obvious question is why? What was I thinking...and that's only the beginning. Out of shelves and shelves of STUFF, we're only keeping a couple of boxes.
Saying goodbye to things is so much easier than I ever imagined. And I mean the things I actually like. I loved the hall tree, but I wasn't sorry to see it go. Really. Everything that leaves makes me feel a little lighter.
Here's something though...letting my kids go. That's harder.
I like to think of myself as someone who's sentimental but I try not to flog myself with undue dramatic indulgences. When Nathaniel left on his mission, I cried until I reached the freeway then I was done. I refused to spend 2 years basting my loss with undue sadness. I mean, the decision was made for him to go, it was an exciting time for him- full of opportunities for growth and experiences. He was not born to live with us forever - he was born to go out into the world and make his own life. When Kaylen moved to SoCal, I missed her of course- she has always been my best friend - but I envied the adventures that lay ahead of her.
And now John is on the home stretch and I caught myself feeling the pangs of sadness. Maybe it's a bit of the affects of the flu bug I've been dealing with...no, I don't think so. My last baby is nearly grown, I'm moving away, I won't have at least one of my children in my day to day life anymore...blah, blah, blah...Stop it!!
Life is meant to change. When it stops changing, the jig is up and you're dead. I certainly have great hopes of the possibilities beyond mortality but for now, I intend to live every second I have on this earth and I'm not going to do it scraping my fingernails through the past.
So I square my shoulders and celebrate the great opportunities we all have ahead of us. Kaylen is moving back to Santa Rosa. Is she starting over? No, she's continuing on. What great things will happen? Can't wait to find out. Did we spend our last Christmas in our family home? No, we'll have other Christmas' in other family homes. I mean, Family + Home = Family Home. Is my baby grown? Uh, yeah...in case we didn't notice that's been going on over the past 18 years.
So change...yep, we're changing. In the words of Bob Dylan:
Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.
