Allegory of the Blackberries...

Summertime in Sonoma County means summer fruit.  Our orchard is bursting with peaches, pears, apples, plums, almonds and figs. So many delicious choices...And then, in the corners and edges of the terraces, there are THE BLACKBERRIES. If you've never lived where blackberries grow you can't really understand the love/hate relationship we all have this delicious, yet diabolical fruit. They plant themselves everywhere and grow like nobody's business. Unless, of course you try to plant them in a specific area. Then they die.

Blackberries grow on long, extremely thorny branches. They don't seem to move yet the moment you get close enough, they stealthily reach out and grab the tenderest skin on your body. It is not possible to pick wild blackberries without finishing looking like an angry cat got a hold of you. When the kids were little we would pick together, always accusing the others of eating more than they produced in their bowls. Today, I picked alone. I ended up with far more berries than I ever did with my little crew. Proof positive my pickers were eaters. As I picked blackberries this morning in hopes of creating my annual pie, I had lots of time to reflect on the experience and consider the metaphor for life found in these brambles. There is nothing as delicious as a berry picked at the peak of perfection - slightly soft so it rolls off the stem with hardly any pressure. However, those perfect berries are not easily had. As it is in life, the sweetest jewels are hard and perilous to reach, often only grasped after several painful thorns pierce you as you reach for it. Sometimes, just as you have that prize you worked so hard for within your grasp, it tumbles away into the depths of the brambles, never to be enjoyed. Other times, the perfect berry is reached for, scratches endured, prickles embedded only to discover the the unseen side is still red, unripe and sour to the taste. Berries, it seems, are often like life experiences - not what they first appear to be and not as good as they looked from the other side.

When I make a pie, I often will include a few of these tart fruits. The unexpected tang seems to add depth to the sweetness of the rest of the pie. As it is with life, the contrast of the sweet with the sour makes the sweet that much more delicious.

Some of the berries are at the peak of ripeness, they are in the prime of their life. Others have gone slightly beyond - a bit shriveled but still filled with deliciousness, caught before they were no longer able to contribute to a tasty baked good.

This is deeper thought than I usually apply to fruit picking or baking. Coming home to Santa Rosa has made me reevaluate many things, see the changing seasons, so to speak. I have reflected on the good times, the "thorny" times and the benefits  and growth from both. Life can be delicious. So is blackberry pie.

Well, it's been awhile...

How does the time go by so fast? I looked back on my last post and realized that nearly half the year has gone by. Gotta do better.
And speaking of which...
Time does go by fast. When you get to a certain age (ahem) you start to realize that it just might be possible that you've got more life behind you than you have in front. As I think back and reflect on my life, it's like I've lived several lifetimes. Experiences seems to be encapsulated in periods - childhood, teen years, young married life, motherhood - which, by the way doesn't end when they become adults. Have you ever gotten on a thrill ride only to want to get off as soon as that bar comes down? You ride it because at that point you have no choice and for the most part, it's fun and thrilling but also scares the crap out of you. That's what it's like to parent adult children.
But I digress...
Now I'm in the reinvent-yourself-make-your-own-day-twenty-four-seven-spouse period of my life. Retirement is pretty wonderful. Especially for me. I'm still relatively young, I have good health, I've lived in Hawaii (for goodness sake), my husband still likes me, and we've planned carefully with our finances that we live comfortably within our means. Life still tosses in it's challenges, but freedom from deadlines and timelines makes for a more relaxed lifestyle. Funny thing is, it's taken almost three years to recognize that certain mindsets that I developed to survive my other "lifetimes" are no longer relevant to how I live now.
Take multitasking - I always prided myself on being a world-class multitasker. Admittedly addicted to crisis and chaos, I thrived in the world of technology support for my school. I had no problem writing a script while applying a bandaid to a kindergartener while correcting html for the web team.  I could cook dinner, explain polymers and advise revisions for essays on Robespierre without missing a beat. Now life is less demanding externally. Internally, it's time to break down old habits and learn to appreciate the moments I have left. I'm not being melancholy, just pragmatic. I've recently discovered, though long suspected, that I am rarely present. I am on the computer, my phone, watching the news, eating dinner, listening to my husband read and article - ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I've begun to ask myself, what is being served by this behavior? What I've realized is that life is passing me by without the least bit of acknowledgement. I've begun listening to podcasts while I do my daily walk (because heaven forbid I just walk- I've got to be doing something else at the same time) discussing the topic of being present. So after a week of listening, I've begun to put it into practice. I'm still not very good at it, but as they say it takes 21 days to make a habit so I'll report my progress next time. But let me tell you what I've discovered so far...
When you eat a salad, the crispy centers of the lettuce are little reservoirs of moisture that burst in your mouth and are deliciously hydrating. At any point in the morning hours, I can hear not only the roosters but at least 10 different types of birds calling to one another. I've noticed that walking up a hill makes my legs ache a little with exertion but the exertion makes a feeling of power and strength. The smell of the puakenikeni blossoms subtly waft through my kitchen window and for a moment, the fragrance is almost intoxicating. I've learned that turning the tv off and just reading quietly makes my body still and tranquil. Laying down in bed at night, at first the sheets are cool and comfortable and as they warm to my body temperature, the softness of my bed invites me to sleep.
I know - I'm getting really zen on you, but these are just a few of the simple pleasures I've been missing because I've been too busy in my mind to appreciate them.
I hope to be more present and practice it every day. Life is a gift and I hope to spend whatever I have left really living it.

Beginning a New Year

I've started and restarted this post since just after Christmas. So many thoughts and feelings, it was hard to get them organized enough that the stream of consciousness would make some kind of sense.

2015 was, as Dickens penned, "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times". Well, it wasn't really the worst but there were some sad, challenging times. As they say, first the bad news...

Two of my dearest friends, John and Evie Ross passed within six months of each other. We had been friends for over 38 years. I miss them everyday. (see previous posts about Evelyn)

Our big, sweet, golden retriever Pearl died peacefully in her sleep . She hadn't been super healthy for the past year, but within four days she stopped eating and drinking and went to sleep under the Puakenikeni tree, never to wake again. We buried her with a pearl necklace around her neck and her "Duck Dynasty Phil" stuffed duck tucked in next to her. She has a grave in the banana patch since bananas were one of her favorite foods.

We have endured a State of Hawaii Tax audit since the beginning of 2015. I'll tell you how it turns out later...it's STILL going on. Grrrr.

It was a horrendous year for fires in California. This carries more agony than the average California native as the mother of a CalFire firefighter. My 20 year old son saw more devastation and injury this year than any man should ever see. That's his mother's opinion, but since it's my blog I can say anything I want.

My daughter suffered a ruptured disk and had back surgery. Did I ever mention that parenthood doesn't stop when they turn 18?

Now for the good news - if you haven't given up on this dreary post yet...

 We completed our kitchen remodel and are absolutely thrilled with the result. (The remodel itself could have been listed in the "bad news" category, but that was already long enough).

We went on a 28 day trip the the Eastern and Western Mediterranean which was truly a trip of a lifetime. Visited 8 countries and experienced so much. It was fabulous!

Enjoyed the visits of our youngest son. Looking forward to our daughter coming in a couple of weeks and our other son soon afterward.

We are blessed with comfort, good health and the opportunity to live in one of the most beautiful places on earth.

I've got to let this post go now. No more edits, no more additions. This is it.