To the Mainland and Back Again.

     A week off this rock. Really? Just a week? Felt like a month - and a blink of an eye.
Robert went to his 50th high school reunion in Los Angeles and so I met him in Santa Rosa a few days later. It was so great to see Kaylen and John. It was fun to see friends and neighbors. We got a lot done in the repairs and maintenance department, tying up a lot of loose ends. Truly, the week went by in a whirlwind and the social side of the visit took a serious back seat to the work side. Still, things got done, objectives achieved and besides a nasty cold and some serious allergies,  I returned to Maui no worse the wear. Robert comes home today and it will be great to begin to settle in again.
     So what is there to blog about, other than simply documenting a trip for future reference? It's the reflection that comes from returning home and then returning home again. Sounds conflicted doesn't it? Well, it is. See, Santa Rosa is my home. Or was my home. For 37 of my 57 years, Santa Rosa was home. But when I go "home" now, it's somehow...not. It's familiar, evokes wonderful memories and those I love still live there. Yet, I don't feel like I belong. I hit my stride driving the roads of Sonoma County, I know the Calistoga Rd. Safeway like the back of my hand, meeting parents and students on every aisle. I have a favorite parking spot. But I don't ground. I'm not really part of this anymore. My heartstrings pull and long for what was.
     I miss my Maui home. I miss Santa Rosa. I miss Futura Way and I'm stunned to find that I can't seem to bend this house to be mine anymore. It's like the lifeless corpse of a loved one passed on. It looks kind of like my home, but there's no spirit there that animates it into what made it my home.
I feel a little like a person with a foot on the boat and a foot on the dock. Being in both places just doesn't work.
     So it's the letting go, the mourning for loss that I am reconciling now. What I miss most is gone. The days of getting kids to Seminary on time, rushing to games, concerts, pick-ups and deliveries. The work days of reading to children, troubleshooting (successfully) computer issues and recommending the perfect book. Planting a tomato plant that I know will produce the best tomato in the world. Picking a delicious peach from the tree. With the exception of the tomatoes and peaches, these things are done. Not gone, for they will ALWAYS be part of me. And thankfully, only the sweetest part of the memories linger.
     I guess there's a part of me who hoped that "going home" would put all of the things I miss back in place. Interestingly, quite the opposite was true. It underscored the fact that things have changed. The days of Home in Santa Rosa on Futura Way are done and will not come back.
     What to do? Accept it, rejoice thankfully that I have these wonderful memories and look forward to all the new ones I'm making. Enjoy my adult children who are truly the miracles in my life. Be grateful for my new island home and the beauty of the aina here.
     My life is blessed and I refuse to tarnish the blessing of my present and future by mourning the loss of the past any longer than what is necessary to find peace.
      Thanks, Santa Rosa. It was really, really good.

P.S. The new Maui kitchen IS really great.