How does the time go by so fast? I looked back on my last post and realized that nearly half the year has gone by. Gotta do better.
And speaking of which...
Time does go by fast. When you get to a certain age (ahem) you start to realize that it just might be possible that you've got more life behind you than you have in front. As I think back and reflect on my life, it's like I've lived several lifetimes. Experiences seems to be encapsulated in periods - childhood, teen years, young married life, motherhood - which, by the way doesn't end when they become adults. Have you ever gotten on a thrill ride only to want to get off as soon as that bar comes down? You ride it because at that point you have no choice and for the most part, it's fun and thrilling but also scares the crap out of you. That's what it's like to parent adult children.
But I digress...
Now I'm in the reinvent-yourself-make-your-own-day-twenty-four-seven-spouse period of my life. Retirement is pretty wonderful. Especially for me. I'm still relatively young, I have good health, I've lived in Hawaii (for goodness sake), my husband still likes me, and we've planned carefully with our finances that we live comfortably within our means. Life still tosses in it's challenges, but freedom from deadlines and timelines makes for a more relaxed lifestyle. Funny thing is, it's taken almost three years to recognize that certain mindsets that I developed to survive my other "lifetimes" are no longer relevant to how I live now.
Take multitasking - I always prided myself on being a world-class multitasker. Admittedly addicted to crisis and chaos, I thrived in the world of technology support for my school. I had no problem writing a script while applying a bandaid to a kindergartener while correcting html for the web team. I could cook dinner, explain polymers and advise revisions for essays on Robespierre without missing a beat. Now life is less demanding externally. Internally, it's time to break down old habits and learn to appreciate the moments I have left. I'm not being melancholy, just pragmatic. I've recently discovered, though long suspected, that I am rarely present. I am on the computer, my phone, watching the news, eating dinner, listening to my husband read and article - ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I've begun to ask myself, what is being served by this behavior? What I've realized is that life is passing me by without the least bit of acknowledgement. I've begun listening to podcasts while I do my daily walk (because heaven forbid I just walk- I've got to be doing something else at the same time) discussing the topic of being present. So after a week of listening, I've begun to put it into practice. I'm still not very good at it, but as they say it takes 21 days to make a habit so I'll report my progress next time. But let me tell you what I've discovered so far...
When you eat a salad, the crispy centers of the lettuce are little reservoirs of moisture that burst in your mouth and are deliciously hydrating. At any point in the morning hours, I can hear not only the roosters but at least 10 different types of birds calling to one another. I've noticed that walking up a hill makes my legs ache a little with exertion but the exertion makes a feeling of power and strength. The smell of the puakenikeni blossoms subtly waft through my kitchen window and for a moment, the fragrance is almost intoxicating. I've learned that turning the tv off and just reading quietly makes my body still and tranquil. Laying down in bed at night, at first the sheets are cool and comfortable and as they warm to my body temperature, the softness of my bed invites me to sleep.
I know - I'm getting really zen on you, but these are just a few of the simple pleasures I've been missing because I've been too busy in my mind to appreciate them.
I hope to be more present and practice it every day. Life is a gift and I hope to spend whatever I have left really living it.
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